BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) FAKE CHLORINE THREATS
When you’re a kid in a pool you hear the evil threat of “there’s a chemical in the pool that shows a green ring around you if you pee!” That’s an awesome idea. No one should ever pee in a pool so if this gets kids to not do it then awesome. But the problem is that no one ever sits you down and tells you that it’s bullshit. So you get older and as time goes on, you always have that in the back of your head. I’m still only pretty sure it was a ruse. I just know I don’t pee in pools.
(THREE) POWER RANGERS
Screw the Power Rangers! If I want teenage ninja action I want it in the form of mutant turtles. I don’t want to see kids who the cast of Saved by the Bell would kick the ass off put on lame colorful costumes and beat up Japanese stereotypes. The main thing here is that I was just getting out of kid shows when this show got popular so I had an instant hate towards it. That shit was kid shit. I was moved on to PG-13 by this point.
(TWO) FANNY PACKS
Fanny backs are like book bags for the hip. The material of a really nice fanny pack is typically the same material as a really cheap book bag. You basically wear a belt with a zipped bag on it. It’s like an extra pocket. If you wear a hoodie with a big front pocket, it’s the SAME thing… but with a zipper that can get stuck and on a belt that can be easily seen to be stolen. I wonder what they call them in England.
(ONE) BOWL CUTS
This hair cut is probably still out there, but for a while it was actually a trendy and popular. It was a bowl on the head with scissors cutting anything that’s NOT in the bowl, including ears. This hair cut was silly and looked horrible, but I want it back. You see, I’m bald so if people with hair look horrible I win. Muhahahahahaha!
|
