BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) (TIE!) FRENCH TOAST/ FRENCH BREAD
I never do “ties”. NEVER. I think it’s cheap and lame. I do a “Top 4” and I keep it at 4. I couldn’t make up my mind on this one. Of all the things that are French, I like five things specifically more than everything else. For this slot, I have to give a shot out to their glutton goodness! I love bread. It’s one of my worst enemies, but it’s just great. French bread is amazing with some good wine, some good cheese, and maybe a few pieces of apple. It’s great with dinner and is good for sammiches. Then people take it one step farther… French Toast! When normal toast just isn’t fun anymore, leave it to the French to soak it in savory unhealthy madness.
(THREE) FRENCH VANILLA
I’m not one of those “eccentric” people who will turn my nose up to the vanilla flavor. People bitch about things being bland by calling it “vanilla”. When did vanilla not taste like vanilla? Vanilla IS a flavor! It’s a good one too. Sometimes when you want to mix it up a little, there is a slight “off color” version that’s French vanilla. I don’t want it all the time, but when I do have it it’s a pleasure.
(TWO) FRENCH KISSES
C’mon! French kissing is awesome. It used to be one of those “taboo” things in the 80’s. It was weird, but it looked like everyone was doing it. Now if someone doesn’t French kiss then it’s questionable if the two people even like each other. The problem is that people aren’t always good at this. When people suck at it, they ruin it. But a good make out session with well-crafted French kissing is a lustful art. If any attractive females need lessons in this art form my contact information is not hard to find. Giggity.
(ONE) FRENCH FRIES
As much as my man-ness loves French kissing, I have one French love I hold greater. While French kissing CAN go wrong, it’s much less likely that French fries will suck. As long as they’re not reheated fast food ones, you’re going to have a great percentage of good to great. Potatoes are a great food item, but if you really want to push the limits you go with French fries. In my older, more healthier age, I like oven-baked fries a bit more but no matter how you slice it. French fries is EASILY the best thing to ever come out of France.
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