BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) NYQUIL
This is the easy one. Everyone has gone this route. When you’re feeling like crap and can’t sleep, you drink a bit of this and you’re out for a good night’s sleep. I’ve known folks who’d drink an entire bottle and go crazy. I was more of a ”half bottle” person in my day. It was a stupid thing to do, but it worked. If you don’t fall asleep on Nyquil you won’t remember the night before regardless. And THEN you can just pretend you slept. Problem solved.
(THREE) MELATONIN
I like this magic pill. I was having a horrible time getting to sleep and didn’t want to get hooked on night time meds. I didn’t want to wake up feeling drowsy and like a zombie. Melatonin doesn’t seem to work for everyone, but definitely helps me. I take a few milligrams at night and it does help get me to sleep. And I wake up feeling awake too.
(TWO) SELF-INDUCED PARTY COMA
This is the worst idea. If you don’t do it right you won’t wake up. Basically, you do drugs, get drunk, and just party your ass off. If you can’t sleep, you might as well party right? The safest way to go at this is to start simple. A shot or two of a good hard liquor could be all you need. Maybe even just a beer or a stiff drink. Then if you’re into pills, try half a xanny or something lighter. Don’t overdo it and you should probably just get prescribed for it. Others, like this guy, would say marijuana is a great sleep aid. Unless you’re one of those amateur assholes who get all paranoid and cartoony about it, it’s a great relaxer and puts your body, mind, and inhibitions at ease. It’s also good for waking up, eating, watching movies, and most other activities! You have to decide what your limits are and go at this at your own risk. It’s all on you to research the dangers of fun.
(ONE) EXTREME EXERTION
Make yourself tired. One way is to work out until you’re so tired and worn out that you just want to lay down. Then at that point make yourself do EVEN MORE. At this point you’ll hate the world and want to just shut down your system and pass out. This could result in a heart attack too, but at least you’ll look better! You could even pair up any of the other three options with this one, but you should attempt this one before even thinking about putting crap in your body. It’s rare to hear someone who works a physically demanding job complain about not being able to sleep. They’re too tired to be tired.
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