BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) NON-CGI SCOOBY DOO
The sad part is that I kind of like the cast they went with for the newish Scooby Doo movies. They’re all good actors and actresses, but the CGI Scooby and the movies just didn’t work. Maybe I was expecting too much, but the original cartoon was just so damn good that it set a high bar. The movies feel like a parody of the cartoon and don’t feel genuine really at all. I know the cast has chops so who else is there to blame? I’d much rather see a FULLY animated Scooby Doo movie. Not CGI, not PIXAR, not Dreamworks… just straight up animation. Get the guys who write “Psych” and let them put some of their detective magic on it.
(THREE) HALLOWEEN CRAP
Everything about the season is fun. We get candy, costumes, scary movies, and all of that fun stuff. I could ramble about Halloween being awesome all day. It’s one of the few holidays that are still fun for adults as it was for kids. We trade the free candy and bobbing for apples for booze, slutty costumes, and hijinks.
(TWO) FREE CANDY
Who doesn’t love free candy? The best candy of the entire year comes around this time. Yeah, I’m talking about the Reeses shapes again. The pumpkin, the Christmas tree, and the egg are the best chocolate to peanut butter ratio of any candy out there. Getting these for free is better than 99% of everything. Sure winning the lottery would be better… but not by a whole lot. Kids get to put on costumes and go door to door veiling their little begging ways with a simple “Trick or Treat”. Even as an adult, I dare you to live a normal day and not have the chance to take a free piece of candy out of some bowl somewhere. Candy is everywhere. So are fat people, but it’s Halloween season so they(we) can cover that ish up with a wisely designed costume.
(ONE) EMO KIDS
Anyone notice that once the emo kids hit the scene the entire world decided that “bullying is bad”? It’s never been a good thing. People have been bullied for years. Sometimes you overcome the bully and become much more successful and better than them and other times you cling to the pain and don’t let go. Regardless, it’s not cool. But I do find that some negative animosity in your life will build character, give a thicker skin, and just make you a better person in the long run. When you have to stand up and overcome you learn who you are. It doesn’t matter what stupid people with their own issues feel about you. I miss mocking the emo kids. They were whiney, they wore skinny jeans, they had emo-Hitler haircuts, they wore crappy clothes, and they were soooo easy to make fun of. Then they got a little older, maybe got some sex, and now they’re all well-adjusted hipsters with the thinnest of skins. It just feels like this was the last social group we were ALLOWED to make fun of. I’m going to miss that.
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