BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) RANDOM SUPER HERO/VILLAIN
This is the easiest and lamest route to go. Everything thinks THEIR Joker costume is the best. Everyone thinks their Batman, Ironman, Superman, whatever-man is the only one out there. Then it even goes as far as the ironic ones. The people who wear the Kick Ass, The Flash, Ghostbusters even, and random obscure and ironic ones. Of course, the lamest of the lame are those who wear whatever the flavor of the month is. The Bane people from last year come to mind. Bring on Blankman!
(THREE) BASEBALL PLAYER
This one involves some extra purchases. You gotta go get a baseball jersey that’s too big for you. You then get your hands on an Incredible Hulk costume to wear under the jersey. Then you add a bag with some random pill bottles and maybe even stick a few syringes in your arm or ass. So yeah, get the A-Rod, Braun, Bonds, Sosa, McGuire, Clemons or any of the fine gentlemen who took the rules into their own hands. Ever notice we stopped calling it America’s pastime?
(TWO) WALTER WHITE
This is the easy one for guys this year. All you have to do is dress in a button-up, throw on some glasses, a pork-pie hat, and a goatee if can’t grow one of your own. You pretty much get to be “Heinsenberg” for the night. Pass out some blue hard candy, have a toy gun, and keep looking at your cell phone and running out of the room without any communication at all. Then once you get nice and lit just start screaming “JESSE!” in a scruffy voice into the face of anyone who will not make eye contact.
(ONE) MILEY CYRUS
And this one is the easy pick of the year for the women… and men. Basically, you dust off you own Lady Gaga costume and take away the little bit of flare she had, add three parts sleazy, and a dash of redneck stripper… and ta-da! Miley! Short hair, pig tails, and REALLY bad dancing. This costume is the triple threat. You can be topical, you can be as slutty as you want, and you get to basically just be a big ol’ freak.
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