BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) SEXY COSTUMES ON HALLOWEEN
I don’t get it, but I’m fine with it. I see Halloween as a cop out for women and young ladies to exhibit their inner slut. For some reason slutty and sexy Halloween costumes are just accepted by everyone. The next day, they turn into a pumpkin and go back to their JC Pennys best.
(THREE) CUTESY “OCTOBERFEST” NAMES
There are plenty of Octoberfests or Oktoberfests out there. They’re all pretty much an excuse to wear German or Dutch clothing and get wasted. Then there are the cutesy names people put out there. There is “Rocktoberfest”! There is “Shocktoberfest!” What about “Tupactoberfest” for the Tupac fans?! Why not “Mocktoberfest” for people to get together and mock the other Octoberfests?! There are so many possibilities!
(TWO) SKULLS ON STUFF!
If you like skulls, the Halloween time frame is for YOU! There is only so many days in a year when loving skulls isn’t too creepy. If you wear a shirt with a skull on it in August you’re a douche bag. If you wear it in September, you’re just weird. If you wear one in October then you’re as good as gold. Weird people love their skull décor. The same rule goes for the décor. There is that October to maybe the first or second week at most in November gap. So basically, if this is your thing get it out of your system while you can! You weirdo!
(ONE) PEOPLE WHO CASUALLY SAY “MY BUDDY”
How old are you? Can we not have friends anymore? There is nothing worse than hearing a grown man tell a lame “what I did this weekend” story that starts off with “My buddy and I…”. When I hear that I think about the old “My Buddy” doll from back in my childhood. So my brain visualizes the douchebag telling the story carrying around a little chubby boy doll with overalls and curly hair. If you have a story worth hearing, use words worth using. “My buddy” sounds like sometime you say to a little kid. It’s like saying “doo-doo” as an adult.
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