BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) STEVE HARVEY
How is this guy famous? He was clearly the weakest link of all of the “Original Kings of Comedy”. Bernie Mac, Cedric The Entertainer, and DL Hughly had their own thing. Mr. Mac would pass away but go down as one of the best. Cedric is consistently entertaining, no pun intended. DL is a very underrated actor and STILL has tons of potential. But what about Steve Harvey? He’s going for the lowest of people. Who in their right mind watching Family Feud in 2013? Why does he have a talk show? I’m sure he’s a great guy and would be great to share a drink with, but what about him merits all of this? What the hell am I missing?
(THREE) BURPING THE ALPHABET
Who decides that burping the alphabet had to be a “thing”? It’s fairly common and is often one of those really lame jokes a bad movie or TV show will make. Why not try to burp-count? At least at that rate you can have a legit stat to compete over. Why not burp-praying? Burp-cussing? Burp-speeches? We are evolved as people. Let’s drop the whole alphabet-burb and show our future generations we DO have substance and class. Burp-love!
(TWO) THE TERM “WRIST WATCH”
Yeah, I know there are pocket watches. But who really uses them? People who say “let me check my pocket watch!” when asked what time it is, that’s who! See, they’re okay. They differentiate for everyone anyway. So let’s just call wrist watches “watches”. It’s easier, it makes more sense, and dammit… we do already! So basically, if you hear someone say “wrist watch” then odds are those people are terrorists!
(ONE) SPORT FAN FACE PAINTERS
We all love our random regional team and their color specific jerseys. Why does anyone need to go that extra mile and put paint on their face and body to showcase what color shirt they support? There are no exceptions. You can paint your body the colors of the team or even get creative and paint words and letters on yourself. None of this matters. The team, the coach, and the water boy, team priest, and cheer leaders… they all have one thing in common. You can cover your body in cheap paint in horrendous temperatures all you want. None of those people, the people PAID to wear that random regional colored shirts, give a shit that you’re the “S” in the world “DEFENSE”. You just look dumb. Stop it. Buy a canvas!
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