BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) VS PAULA CREAMER
(GOLF) - So it’s NBA legend and first ballot Hall of Famer, Shaquille O’Neal taking on the world. He has proclaimed that he is the “greatest athlete”. It’s not an ego thing and is all in fun as you’d see with watching it for more than ten seconds. Shaq is a big cuddly monster and his giant charisma shines here as he visits other athletes. In the first season he took on Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Phelps, Oscar De La Hoya, Albert Pujols, and beach volleyball stars Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh. Now this season is a bit more laid back with a little lighter fare like taking on Justin Bieber in a dace off, a spelling bee champion and Penn and Teller in a “magic-off”. It says that he has a golf match against Charles Barkley on tap for Season 2, but that’s lame. Sure it’ll be entertaining to see to the two old rivals and probably friends play a round, but I’d rather see Shaq take on… I dunno… a golf pro, maybe? That’s why my pick is Paula Creamer. She recently had success winning her first major and is quickly becoming one of the top faces of the sport of golf. She’s charismatic, does flips, has a nickname, and brings a lot of personality and charm to the game of golf. I’d love to see this little woman beat the big man and it’s pretty much a fact that she would.
(THREE) VS BIG SHOW
(PRO WRESTLING) - I know, I know… “Professional wrestlers aren’t athletes”. That’s complete bullsh*t. Wrestling, while predetermined in result, is the most athletic form of entertainment out there today. Just because they know what they’re doing and “how to fall” does not mean it hurts any less it just means they can protect themselves and their fellow wrestler from seriously hurting themselves. The top wrestlers in terms of crowd response are John Cena and Triple H but a wrestling match with “Big Show” is where it’s at. At a Monday Night RAW about a year ago they had a big stare down. Shaq is a big dude, but Show is even bigger. It felt like they were setting up for something, but it never went down. Why not now? Shaq has been a fan of wrestling for years and I’m sure would have no trouble picking up the basics to put on a good match with Big Show. If Big Show can have legitimately good matches with people like Floyd Mayweather then he and Shaq can have a classic.
(TWO) VS SYLVESTER STALLONE
(ARM WRESTLING) - In 1987 Sly released the cult hit “Over The Top”. In this movie Sly is a truck driver who arm wrestlers on the side to make extra cash. It comes down to a big contest in Vegas and of course Stallone wins. If Shaq isn’t a fan of this movie then he’s not the Shaq I thought he was. The movie gets referenced fairly often and just the whole spectacle of Shaq taking on Sly in an arm wrestling contest would seriously be epic. There’d probably only be one potential match up more epic than this…
(ONE) VS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
(LIFTING) - Yeah, Arnold is 63, a Governor, and inactive from competition and a lot of acting. Outside of a few small appearances like the one he made in the latest “Terminator” movie and the small spot in the upcoming “Expendables”, he’s mainly focused on his political duties. But have you seen the man? He’s still in better shape than 99% of the country and still works out more than most pro athletes. Arnold is one of the biggest personalities and is a staple in Americana Pop Culture. Shaq taking on Arnold in a lifting contest… on broadcast television? I am there and I’m sure you’d be too.
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