BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) JERSEY SHORE
I don’t get it. So a bunch of overly tanned juicers are popular on television and it’s NOT a WWE employee? I’ve seen five minutes of the actual “Jersey Shore” show on MTV, but because I don’t live under a rock I’ve been exposed to their massive PR and appearance spree. If I were them I’d take advantage of their fame as much as possible because it’s going to be gone before they know it. They seem to be doing so, so I can’t hate them for making money off you people. I just don’t want to watch the show at all. It’s like the “Real World” for Italian stereotypes. If I want to enjoy this type of persona I’d just watch “Nick” on a “Family Ties” rerun. That guy was “Jersey Shore” before “Jersey Shore” knew what ignorance and bad tans were. “The Situation” and “Snooki” and “J-Wow” and the bunch of them are horrible excuses for human beings. I’d rather staple my eye lids to my face than to ever have to watch these “people” do whatever they do. It’s a freakin’ reality show on MTV. This means it’s groomed and scripted to appeal to the mindless masses. And holy smokes, everyone took the bait.
(THREE) DANE COOK
I don’t get it. How can people think Dane Cook is funny or has any comedic value at all? I know his stock has dropped in the past year or so and more people seem to be on the “Dane Cook sucks” bandwagon, but the fact that anyone at all likes or even LIKED this guy is reason enough for the human race to collectively punch itself in the groin. THAT would be funnier and more entertaining than anything Dane Cook has ever done or said. His humor is lame. The first two things that come to mind is that he looks like he smells like pee and “I wonder what Carrot Top is up to right now?” That’s right, Carrot Top. Dane Cook is like Carrot Top without the props or the class. And if you think about it, just how much class does Carrot Top have in the first place? THAT is how much Dane Cook is horrible. And the “smelling like pee thing” is… well… I don’t know. ”. For some unknown reason, I just get that sensory vibe from him that triggers a “urinal-meets-week old bologna. I just see that guy and think piss.
(TWO) AVATAR
I don’t get it. That whole saying goes “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”. I’m sad to say that A WHOLE LOT of people was “fooled once” and with the new “Re-Release” James Cameron is attempting to “shame us”. This movie is a joke. It’s not a movie at all, it’s a spectacle. People heard of this thing that looks all shiny and pretty and had to see it for themselves. I’m all for awesome looking movies, but I’m not buying this crap. If you’ve ever played or seen a video game from PSOne and on then you’ve seen graphics that look like this movie. The difference is that they made it in 3D and with the obscene amount of promotion this movie cost damn near a HALF BILLION DOLLARS TO MAKE. That’s just stupid. What’s even stupider is the fact that the world has given James Cameron nearly THREE BILLION DOLLARS in gross revenue. I say nearly because the movie is just over 200 Million away from that 3 Billion mark. Wanna bet they’re not going to stop until they get 3 billion dollars out of the worlds much needed pockets? Putting the amount in perspective let’s look at the horrible life shattering 2010 earthquake in Haiti. This country is falling apart, all the major celebrities donated as much as a few million dollars each, tons of telethons, ads, and pleas from across the globe resulted in only 2.5 Billion dollars raised. The world has given this shitty movie with pretty blue people more money than the country of Haiti. Meanwhile, movies like “Freddie Got Fingered” are shunned. Gah!
(ONE) FLAT BILL HATS
I don’t get it. The only reason anyone should not bend the bill of their hat is if they’re a Los Angeles Clippers Lottery Pick and they’re still hoping they get traded. That’s it. Before about around five or so years ago the only time you’d really see someone not bend the bill to their baseball cap was on their Upper Deck rookie card towering next to David Stern or holding up a jersey. Now it’s common practice and the popular fashion trend. It looks ridiculous. It would be like leaving the cardboard in the collar of a button up or leaving the balled up paper in the toe of your shoe. These hats are sold with flat bills so people can put them on and break them in. Are we supposed to believe you’re so wealthy and “ballin” that you JUST bought that 2005 Sox World Series hat? This while wearing that bright white tee with stretched out neckline? This is has become my biggest pet peeve as of late. I don’t want to generalize, but generally the folk that follow this trend are not someone who anyone would want to be around anyway. It’s NOT “gangsta” and it doesn’t make you seem like a “thug”. You’re just a douche that doesn’t know how to wear clothing. Let’s not even start on the waste of earths with flat bill hats AND logo STICKER still intact.
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