BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) THE KARDASHIANS
I don’t get it. So we have Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, and some other rich chicks doing rich chick stuff. It’s Paris Hilton all over again. These girls are famous for nothing other than being rich and being lucky that a cable network put them on a reality show. Why should we care at all about these people’s “reality”. I’m not a fan of reality shows as it is, but at least with some its people competing or focusing on someone who is famous for some sort of trade or talent. “Hey! Look! These people are rich, somewhat attractive, and their problems are so much cooler than our problems!” is the general census of the viewers of this. To my friends who watch this show, I love you, but you’re stupid for validating these soulless airbag’s lives.
(THREE) ANGRY ATHLETES
I don’t get it. This is mainly concerning basketball players. The emotions of the performers were WAY different back then. In the day, we had basketball players who celebrated. They high fived, chest bumped, and smiled at glory. Today’s basketball players are angry dudes! Buzzer Beater? Dunk? Championship? Three Pointer? ANY accomplishment? What does a player do? They clinch their fist and get a look of anger and rage on their face. It’s as if the current batch of NBA players is mad that they have to do their job good. I know it’s a “Yeah, That’s right!” type of expression, but dudes, for-realzies, smile. You’re making more money playing a game in one year than most people will see in a life time. You should smile. You should smile when you win, smile when you lose, smile when you’re asked for an autograph, smile when someone boos you, and smile all the way to the bank. Growing up during the latest NBA golden era I had the pleasure of catching the tail end of the Detroit, LA, and Boston dominance years and the Chicago Bulls, Dream Team, Robert Horry Title Tour. Basically, I got to see to some of the best basketball ever played with my own two eyes while it was going on. These guys were getting paid a lot, but not nearly as much as today’s stars. Fouls weren’t called fouls unless someone left with a limp. The old school players had a reason to be angry.
(TWO) AMERICAN IDOL
I don’t get it. Simon. Paula. Randy. Seacreast. Kara. J-Lo…. Whoever the hosts were, are, and will be.... Yeah, why do we care? For like a decade now, we’ve had American Idol shoved down our throats, but sadly more of the masses have taken the Idol shaft willingly. So basically we’re rewarding people for people really good at karaoke. That’s cool with me. Whatever tickles your pickle, but let’s call it what it is. The show is like Star Search meets any reality show with eliminations ever. Someone sings a song that’s not theirs (99% of the time), is judged by three individual people on their performance, and then a soulless host tells us to call in and vote for who WE think is best. They tally up these results and tell us who won. Wow. THAT is what America is suckered into? At least with the crappy written shows there is an effort at making something artistic. This show is the McDonalds for music fans. Top 40 sung by the common folk. Why?
(ONE) PEOPLE WHO SAY “REALLY?”
I don’t get it. Common phrases and word uses change all the time. I know this. Slang becomes the norm. Human beings would have like four words if we didn’t expand on how we describe something. Man became “dude”, “guy”, “bro”, “homie”, etc. etc. That’s fine. We grow as a culture and adapt to the times. One specific word use that bothers the hell out of me is the use of “Really”. Everyone now says “really?” in a snarky and sarcastic manner. As far as I know this all roots to the SNL “Weekend Update” segment from a few years ago. Now everyone on TV, everyone online, and everyone in the real world regulates themselves to being snarky-douche nozzles. I know it’s just easy to say. Now that the word use has been programmed into our heads it’s probably the first time that comes to mind. Someone say something stupid, offensive, or unbelievable? Why not just say “Really?” and attempt to make that person look wrong and/or bad? It’s that simple. It’s pretty much the EXACT same thing as “Wasuuuuuup?”, “As If!”, or any other popular jargon. In 10 years, the next Diablo Cody is going to show up and put in a script because it’ll be hip to mock its lost irony. For the love of Jebus, “Really?” is something David Spade stopped saying in 1998. Can’t we, as a human race, PLEASE catch up to David freakin’ Spade?
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