BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) NECK TATTOOS
I don’t get it. Tattoos are fine. I accept the customs of ink and think it’s sometimes cool, sometimes admirable, and sometimes very creative. My problem is the douche-baggedly placed tats. On women… and some… “men”… they have the lower back tattoo. People have been mocking the “lower back tattoo” now for a long time. Way longer than “Wedding Crashers” even. But now I see more and more people get ink on their necks. How freaking tacky is that? Who is going to hire you? WHY should they hire you? Tats on arms can be covered with sleeves and are common enough to not be THAT distracting, but the neck? C’mon! Nothing says GED like a neck tattoo...
(THREE) TIM BURTON’S RECENT WORK
I don’t get it. Remember when Tim Burton made movies and not 2 hour long Hot Topic commercials? I used to love Tim Burton’s work. Mars Attacks!, Edward Scissorhands, Pee-Wee, and all the classics were enjoyable as hell. I’m also a fan of “Ed Wood” and “Big Fish”. He has made some great movies, but it seems those days are past us. Now he’s stuck making the same eccentric movie, with the same looking characters, with quirky rehashed plots. Johnny Depp and his wife, who may be the same person, are in all of his movies now. I like both of them, but these roles are doing nothing for their careers. Well, maybe making them some money, but nothing of substance. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeny Todd, and Alice In Wonderland are the same movie… aren’t they?
(TWO) BACKHANDED PEACE SIGNS
I don’t get it. I’m specifically talking about pictures here. How many pictures do we need to see of people trying to be “cool” by holding up a backhanded peace sign? Just about every female under 35 who is social networking active has a picture of them or a friend with the standard “backhanded peace sign” picture. And if they’re cool enough NOT to have one, they have three friends who do. It wasn’t cool when Boyz II Men or Vanilla Ice did it and it’s not cool now. I’m fairly certain there’s a bible verse somewhere that says “Yee who holds peace backhanded deserves thy stones thrown”. Basically, if I see you in a picture holding up a backhanded piece sign you should be shot in the urethra with a paint ball gun.
(ONE) CELEBRITY JUSTICE
I don’t get it. I grew up in the 80’s and was old enough to see OJ “get away with murder” in the 90s. Then as time went on, I realized that the laws, rules, and verdicts are completely different for celebrities. Paris Hilton gets caught with coke… she’s on the street. Lindsay Lohan got out of jail after no time at all… gets to party her ass off for VMA season and then get right back to jail because she… *gasp*… partied some more. How many celebs have been came down on in recent months and years because of them NOT PAYING TAXES? These people walk the streets with wrists slapped and press bountiful.
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