BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) GLITTER
I don’t get it. Why in the world would ANYONE need glitter? It’s like robot dandruff. When someone comes around with glitter on them do you ever notice how you’ll see little glimmer speckles of it show up a week later? Glitter is stupid and people who endorse its use on any level should be checked for brain herpes. Glitter is not artistic. It’s not an accessory. It’s nothing but annoyance. I have never been around or seen anyone wearing glitter that didn’t explicitly mention the fact that they are wearing glitter. There are much better ways to get attention. Why not just go the fully monty and wrap yourself in aluminum foil.
(THREE) MEN OVER 20 WEARING JEAN SHORTS
Seeing a fully grown man wear jean shorts is embarrassing for everyone involved. It’s embarrassing for those who do it and possibly even worse for those who have to witness this. Bobby Hill was a child. Don’t be Bobby Hill.
(TWO) COUNTRY MUSIC
I don’t get it. The songs lack REAL substance and the musicianship is crap. Back in the day country music was gritty and had a deep rooted soul, now it’s another pop music subgenre. The fake twangs, the hair and makeup, and the lack of four syllable words makes this “music” a joke. The common retort to hating country music for all its worth is that “it’s music that people can relate to”. Yeah, stupid people. If you have intelligence and can handle lyrics that aren’t spoon fed to you then you can relate to ANY music.
(ONE) MMA
I don’t get it. Two men enter an octagon and beat the shit out of each other until one is named the winner. It’s like organized bar fights. I can appreciate the legitimate folk who do martial arts, but these people are not legitimate. People are quick to bash professional wrestling and its fans, but most of their fans know its fake and enjoy the artistic entertainment involved. With MMA, people hide under the guise of “badassedry”. The fighters are “bad ass”… so what? Unless you’re going to lower yourself to physically fight someone then being a bad ass is as pointless as glitter. I have nothing against homosexuality, but the prototype MMA fan will be your racist, gay bashing, Affliction shirt wearing, over all douche bag. I dare anyone to find a more homo-erotic sport than MMA. This is the NASCAR of contact sports and those who get behind it aren’t any better than the camo-hat wearing racing fan. The way people make fun of NASCAR will eventually be the same way people make fun of MMA. Just give it time.
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