BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
(FOUR) JERSEY SHORE D-BAGS
Humanity is becoming dumber and dumber, but that’s not going to stop people from going as “Snookie”, “The Situation”, and whoever else is on that show. Some people will do it because they think it’ll be funny or well received and others will do it to be “ironic”. Either way, you’d only be egging them on. The costume is pretty easy. For a girl, big hair and a revealing outfit. For a guy, hair product and fake abs. One thing for SURE is that the person will have to use fake tan or paint themselves orange for it to REALLY “work”. It’s pretty embarrassing to think there are going to be quite a few of these people out there on Halloween. Even scarier… some won’t be in costume.
(THREE) LADY GAGA
If have the long blond hair, you’re good to go. Otherwise a wig would be a good idea. From there you can pretty much go to a random junk drawer and go from there. Spare twine? Wrap your self up. Duct tape? You know what to do. Random steaks, stuffed animals, tampons, and your neighbor’s pets… good to go. This is a lame idea, but it’s going to happen. People are going to put a lot of thought into “being a slacker” and “throwing something together”…. Then 1 out of 4 people will show up as some trashy version of GaGa. You know this is going to happen so let’s just deal with it. Bonus points if any dudes actually get the balls to go through with this.
(TWO) ANTOINE DODSON
We get it… you know of YouTube and you loooove it. Everyone has seen the “Hide Yo’ Husbands”-“They Rapin’ Everyone” guy. It was hilarious two or three months ago… now it’s just kind of sad. In a couple years you’ll look back at pictures of people in this costume and have no idea what they were. This section could of just been “Random Internet Sensation”. We had Chocolate Rain, The “Leave Britney Alone!” guy, etc. etc. etc.
(ONE) CHILE MINER
It was a very scary situation when those miners were trapped underground for a few weeks. But luckily they’re all okay and the “buzz” of the story is starting to wear off. Why not take this chance to put your costume together on the cheap. You just need some dirty athletic wear, some dirt, a flashlight, and some of those lame sunglasses. You can get the shades at pretty much any gas station or dollar store. You’ll have to weed through the ones with random NASCAR shit on them, but that’s the type to wear. I’d just avoid basement parties. It would probably be a bad omen.
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