[BLOG]Evans From The Heavens Don't Start None, Won't Be none "
06.19.14
BY KEITH EVANS
Understandably, the best way to attack someone, be it physically, verbally, emotionally, or professionally, is to catch them in a vulnerable state. I believe the Blacks, and all of their urban-esque colleagues of other races, refer to it as “catching one slipping”. Animals of the wild, and even some domesticated creatures, have done this for years. Boxers do it in boxing matches. Point guards do it to whomever is guarding them. Vindictive women have done it to men. Abusive men have done it to women. Chess player to opponent. Hell, it’s how I win most arguments. It’s nature at work.
Slightly unrelated thought. The phrase that illustrates taking one’s kindness for weakness is one of the more truthful and accurate one’s said by the masses. The thing is, no one ever truly gets into what that “kindness” encompasses. Obviously, if someone asks you to verbalize a “kind act”, most would think about helping someone across a street. Donating to the less fortunate, be it your time, money, or even just a “kind word”…. sometimes, from the right person, NO word is as “kind” of an act as you need. There are some people, who aren’t “above and beyond” do-gooders of the world… myself included. When it comes to “us”, sometimes, just a simple act of restraint on our part is something you should cherish and thank whatever it is you worship for. Most times, the difference between me being myself, and me possible sampling what “taking the high road” feels like, makes all the difference in your day, your next few months, or if you are one of the emotionally weaker ones, your whole life. And you don’t even realize it.
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room, my audacity. Who the fuck do I think I am feeling as if I’m doing someone a favor by NOT being an asshole? Lol, adorable. Here’s the reality of it; assholes are a necessary carnivore in the emotional food chain of everyday social life. You could sit there (or stand, I don’t care) and argue against it, a babble on about this world where there are no assholes, and everyone is cheery and content and happy and peaceful and super chill. A world where no one says anything negative, everyone’s so goddamn agreeable with each other, holding hands and licking dicks, out of the kindness of their precious little soft, delicate hearts. I could rattle off hundreds of reasons why that kind of world would self implode in a matter of single digit years. How a lot of things that would NEED to be done to sustain a basic working society WOULDN’T get done. How “special moments” would then cease to exist and everything become mundane and bland, thus probably sparking the inevitable human “ingenuitive” move of a far more severely evil world in the future. I’ll just say this. In this world you crave, they’d play Friends EVERYDAY. You would never have seen the genius of a show called “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”. Just “Friends”…. every fucking day.
Scarface said it best, while Kanye West acts it out daily…. You need people like us. Without trying to sound cliché’, yens need yangs, hot needs cold, the dead of winter chill needs severely humid days. And furthermore, most people who are reading this shaking their heads or rolling their eyes are far more “sinister” or just plain masters of jack-assery in private than I ever could be in public. And even furthermore than that, let’s just admit it, my “asshole-ness” is simply entertaining. The only way you can dispute that is if you've never read this, any of my blogs, or haven’t even heard of me or connected to me in some way via real life or the internet. Science.
With all that being said, let’s delve into some more randomness…
As much of an asshole as I am, there is basic, logical, common sense etiquette that separates decent people from the buffoonery that is most human forms…. Not that separates whites from blacks, saints from sinners, or in this case, assholes from whatever the opposite of an apparent assholes is. I’m talking about basic, unparticularized decency from, well, not that. Out of all the examples of that, let me point out one.
When one is filling the position in a relationship that any other has filled before him or her, one should probably not come barreling into it, bells and whistles all a blare, purposefully making yourself known as the new holder of said position.
It’s a bitch move.
This is a general rule for stepfathers, second wives, new boy/girlfriends, and even on a less intimate scale, fast food restaurant managers.
Unless the previous holder of said position is a proven crackhead, heroin addict, rapist, murderer, woman beater, or George Costanza, there is really no need, and it makes you look as ridiculous as you’re trying to make them out to be.
To put in laments terms… if I have not met you, nor have I ever even mentioned you in ANY light, negative or positive, coupled with the fact that I have gone out of my way to be a deece person to the mother of my child, be it recent or from the beginning, unbeknownst to the100 members of the 3rd party club, do NOT foolishly antagonize me in comment threads on Facebook without warranted reason… not that I’m against that sort of thing, but simply because I’m far better at it than you. Science. An entire “NoH8” campaign, as well as years of tireless legislation put into lawful affect because of the salaciousness of people like me.
Not to say I spend my afternoons harassing gay high schoolers or fat middle school girls, but still.
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