“It’s not until you lose everything, that you are free to do anything.” -Tyler Durden

So, as the year of 2010 has made it extremely clear that it will not do me any favors, I find myself it a slightly too familiar, yet interesting point in my life. I’m 32 years old. Single. A victim of my own foolish decisions. On the lighter side, I’ve gotten my feet wet in an industry that has ignited my once dampered creative side. My views on the optimism of love and dating has received a much needed jolt of youthful excitement. A beneficiary of my own traditional “bounce backs”.
I’ve recently lost some friends, . . . .a procedure I am all too familiar with, therefore numb about. I recall a conversation I’ve had with one of the only friends I’ve held on to past a 10 year stint. She had also lost one of her best friends to life’s constant series of bullshit, and she is the type that takes it very hard. It was at that moment that I realized my asshole-esque defense mechanism has served as a condom for Isolophobia (the fear of solitude or being alone) and that I’m fine with that. Alienation is a small side effect I’m willing to accept. I’m an army brat trapped in a non army brats body.
Holding on to something that doesn’t conduct itself in a “wanting to be held” way is extremely counter-productive. I understand that loss of attachment to someone or something is often heart wrenching and disappointing. Especially when it’s of a romantic kind. Hell, even losing a best friend is life altering, but isn’t that what life is? Always altering? I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. I also am a Christian bred believer in karma, if that makes any sense. For every terrible, crushing blow life dishes out, it also reciprocates with it’s own silver lining blow job, the blow job metaphorically equaling an awesome blessing. This frame of thinking has lifted me out of sentimental slumps that, purely based on my observations of people, would probably have traumatized a less guarded “heart on sleeve” individual.
With that being said, it is a double edge sword, when out of the ruins of a massive shit storm, that you meet or reconnect with someone who holds the same reticence of emotional commitment you do. Some might say this is a recipe for inevitable disaster, which, I’m sure, has a certain percentage of truth to it. Statistics of failure has never stopped me from pursuing things or people I want, obviously. This is where I am, socially, right now.
Where I’m from, the Region, probably the biggest little neighborhood I’ve known, it’s hard to meet someone who hasn’t already, at the least, known you through the stories and involvement of others. When you do, it’s almost like meeting the love of your life. This is where I am, emotionally, right now.
In ANY environment, be it the ‘burbs, the ghetto, lower, middle, or higher class, meeting someone who you can just “talk to” and feel like you spent the entire day enjoying an amusement park, is something cherish able. It’s rare to have moments that refresh childhood memories of meeting your “Winnie Cooper” (if you don’t comprehend that reference, then you’re lame). I’m not even talking about the whole “excitement of holding hands being ruined by becoming sexually active” theory. I’m talking the whole “excitement of riding bikes together ruined by becoming sexually active” theory. Do you remember the innocence of being young and having a friend of the opposite sex, and simply enjoying their voice, company and smile? This is where I am, happily, right now.
If you are in this sort of youthful state right now, word of advise, take it slow. Letting it happen to you is far more rewarding than the mess that occurs when you force yourself to happen to it. Trust me.
Now, taking it slow is not give the message that you should foot brake the situation, Flintstone style. That’s a terrible need to control it, which prevents some of the natural benefits that come from these rare instances. Rather than anchoring it, for the sake of taking it slow, just ride it in neutral. You’ll definitely smile a lot more, and the pressure of what you’re feeling towards that person will seem almost non existent. This is where I am, strategically, right now.
I’m not labeling myself an expert, relationships and friendships being two of the few things I’m not an expert at. These are merely the thoughts I’ve accrued over time, and what has seem to garner positive results. Do with your life what you will, but you’ll never be able to say you didn’t hear it from me.