*Note* This blog is sort of Gary, Indiana specific. . .  so if you feel left out, then you probably are, but enjoy *Note*

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…

…and you finish off as an orgasm.”  – George Carlin

    

     Remember when understanding the Gary Community school structure was easy?  When the tier of educational hierarchy was universal with the rest of the United States (Mormon communities and Amish villages excluded)?  Life was so simple back then.

     Your journey through your 13 years of school should be as follows; K-6, also known as “elementary” school or “grammar” school.  A wonderfully magical place where you begin to learn the essentials for being forced into organized education.  Kindergarten is natuarlly a half of day, as not to overwhelm the proverbial “new” student with an entire 7 hour day of sitting Indian style and learning the art of unsupervised french kissing (shout out to Manisha Bassett).

     1st thru 3rd is that next level shit, nah mean? An all day bullshit-fest, 5 days a week, with weekly visits of culture, such as music, art, and for some reason, in a pre-taco infested U.S., spanish.  4th thru 6th, which is pretty much the same as 1st thru 3rd, except add in your own seperate, more mature lunch hour and the discovery of “fingering”. 

     Then BAM!!!!! Your first of many meaningless graduations, and you’re over halfway out of your mama’s house, . . . . in an ideal world that is.

     7th and 8th grade are a bit of a blur, which is ironic because I feel as if jr. high/middle school are
THE most important grades in deciding which “class” of human you will become in high school.  Parents, this is the point in your child’s life when you’ll figure out if you wasted your money on all those little league-esque sporting events or not, OR whether your little chaste angel will inevitably take you through a whorish roller coaster ride that may very well end in frequent Planned Parenthood visits.

After these grades, if your middle school was lame, you had an even MORE meaningless graduation ceremony.

    Aw SNAP!!!!!!!! Time to get your high school on.  I don’t think I have to be TOO descriptive on what this is like.  Cliques, extra-curricular activities, hotel/house parties, drinking, drugging, teen sex, and Algebra apparently.  I, personally, grew out of that Algebra shit in the 7th grade, but what can I say, some of us mature more than others.  Some of you are headed to the college and or university of your choice, to further your education and sexual explorations.  Some of you, straight to the workforce, because luckily for you, your subconscious has already prepared you for the oncoming recession, another magical era where degrees are worth nothing more than the feces that graduates from your ass.

     Most smaller towns have a few elementary schools, perhaps 1 or 2 middle schools, and then their one beloved high school.  Larger towns, also known as cities, generally have an inflated amount of these, resulting in the always fun (and in the case of an urban place like Gary, IN) sometimes dangerous high school rivalries.  This has always been the fuel that gassed up bragging rights for sectional, regional and state championships all over the state in any sport you cherished, but more specifically football, and of course, the first love of most Hoosiers (and all blacks), basketball.  Some of my fondest memories are a result of the friendly/deadly rivalries between West Side, Roosevelt, and those other 3 retard factories that played mid card to the our main event.

   I recall shortly after leaving my junior high school, the Gary School Corporation decided to take 6th grade out of grammar school and stick it in jr. high. . . . . first mistake, though not THAT big of a deal.

   Around 2001, the state of Indiana, specifically the IHSAA (Indiana High School Athletic Association), decided that instead of the normal tournament style elimination sectional battles, that would inevitably lead to the crowning of a state champ, they would instead, divide the sectional into “classes” (i.e. 4A, 3A, 2A, A).  Apparently, it was felt that these class divisions allowed smaller rural schools to earn a chance at winning state titles as well.  Fuck practicing, recruiting, and digging deep to will your school towards the trophy, a la the movie Hoosiers.  Just make it easier for crappy high schools with 2 digit graduating class capacities to worm their way to a championship.  Makes sense right?  I mean, if you’re good, you’re good.  And if you suck, then fuck it, but that’s just me.  Second mistake.

     Then they started closing schools all over Gary.  High school wise, Horace Mann was the first to go, and though the phrase “good riddance” was the general thought, in retropsect, Third mistake.

     Soon, many more schools began biting the dust, grammar, middle, and high.  Be it funding, asbestos, or whatever, it ultimately sucked the last bit of life out of an already dead city.

     Then, the worst idea i ever heard was uttered.  Apparently, the plan is to eliminate junior highs altogether, and somehow house 7th and/or 8th graders with the high schools.  High schools, mind you, that aren’t even called high schools anymore.  (i.e. West Side High School, now known as West Side Leadership/Military Academy.  Lew Wallace High School, now known as Lew Wallace Science Technology Engineering Mathematics Academy.  And Roosevelt High School, now known as Academy of Mentally Inept Clowns. . . .I think).

     What a great idea.  In an obvious attempt to increase casting for the MTV hit Teen Mom, they come up with an idea to house 13 year olds and 18 year olds in the same building.

     In nation wide news, I hear talk about co-ed bathrooms and locker rooms are next.  (That little news tidbit was sourced from The View, ‘cuz let’s face it, bitches don’t lie).

     Why not just cut down to one high school and call it Statutory Senior High?