BY KEITH EVANS
(Composed: 09/20/10)
Red flags. I’ve gotta be honest, I haven’t been very good with them as of late. In “as of late” I mean roughly within the past 5 years. You see, prior to 2005, you probably could’ve labeled me the Red Flag King, almost to the point where most people I thought I was just some paranoid freak. In hindsight though, I avoided a lot of problems and kept everything from drifting out of my immediate peaceful control.
Meanwhile, as I sit here in LCJ, I’m provided with lots of “thinking time”. This is no good for a person of my intellect. Amongst other things, I tend to dwell on issues I’ve not been able to solve. One of these issues is the demise and downfall of my relationship with my child’s mother. Now, this is less of a “pining” over type of thing and more of a “this is going to eat at me if I don’t figure this out” type of thing. It’s been so confusing because of the blatantly instant connection we shared from day one. In other words, upon out first meeting, Ms. Woerpel and I were to humor and good times what Edward and Bella were to self loathing and heroin-esque moodiness, soul mates.
Inseparable, impenetrateable, and completely bullshit proof is what we were. There was no possible way this fun loving, no worries, sweet heart could ever morph into vindictive, easily angered bitch. Now, slow down. None of these words are meant to be harmful. Before Amy, I only dated bitches. I love them. As a certified asshole, a bitch is merely my natural female counterpart. What I am against is sudden change. I like ice cream AND chicken. Not a big fan when ice cream all of sudden starts to taste like chicken though. With that being said, when you’re under the impression you’re in a relationship with that fun and witty Cameron Diaz character, then you wake up and she’s turned into your cliché’ reality show female villain, it’s a bit unsettling.
Then I think, why did I not heed to the red flags, like the very first argument we had, resulting in a Mountain Dew can being thrown at my head. I’m sure for some of you, that would be proper and normal conduct based on your trashy, run of the mill, broken home upbringing. Guess what? It’s not. That’s the type of shit Eminem videos featuring Rihanna and Megan Fox are based on. Next red flag was the severity of her jealous nature, something I’ve very rarely let ride in the past. Ah, the things we let slide when in love.
Now, to be fair, I’m sure if interviewed, she could rattle off plenty of red flags of her own (albeit one could argue that her opinion of red flags would be a result of her “change”), and I would probably plead guilty to 75% of them. That’s the thing about red flags. They’re almost like pre-What If’s. You can always point out red flags after a situation has gotten out of hand, rarely before, and the times you do notice them before hand, you’re way more inclined to let it go due to your optimism that this isolated incident won’t pan out like every other one you’ve experienced in the past. That’s what my favorite part of a relationship is from “initial meeting” to the first moment you come to the realization that you know this person like the back of your hand. It’s the moments in between this time frame of a courtship that, in my opinion, are the most exciting, honest, and heartfelt.
This blog is almost a representation of that timeline with Kayla’s mom. We used to sit on this hideously trippy bedspread and talk for hours about everything and nothing. Me mouthing off all my theories and intelligent editorials on life and her either listening with bright eyed enthusiasm, laughing with complete understanding of my sarcastic tones, or calling me out with her eyes when started getting too “serious”. Sadly enough, when I write these blogs, it’s like we’re back on that ugly blanket, sitting Indian-style, except for I’m talking to her dead, unresponsive corpse. How nostalgic.
So the question is, are red flags something to even concern yourself with? I mean, obviously, in a situation where, say, you adopt an alien Muslim child that you found near the U.S./Mexico border, you should look for red flags as you raise it, of course. However, in the case of maintaining and preserving a relationship, it is best to just, as the blacks would say, “let that shit ride”? Well, consider this, as a current “trustee” in the Lake County Jail, my job position is storeroom guy. This pretty much entails me keeping track of inventory, (be in dry stock, cooler, or freezer items in a kitchen that feeds approximately 950 inmates 3 times daily), unloading slash stocking incoming products, etc. When it comes to sticking the freezer, which keeps a temp of about 4 Fahrenheit, this trick is to stock your freezer shit within a tight little time frame before the temp rises to 30. At that point, there’s a red light that flashes simultaneously with an annoying buzz-like noise to alert you. This is all designed to “maintain” and “preserve” the items in their proper frozen state. You do have the option of hitting the button, which stops the noisy alert but continues to flash red/ I did this once, just to finish my stock. Then my supervisor asked me a question. Then I had to show her where I put some dry stock. Then I had to take a shit. Then I stopped to bullshit with another inmate. Then I ran back to my cell to grab a piece of mail I needed to send off. About 25 minutes later I get back to the freezer, now at a temp of 60 something degrees, in danger of spoiling all that I’m supposed to preserve and maintain, simply because I was given a “red flag”, so to speak, and chose to “let it slide” and ignore it.
Ironically enough, the only thing that spoiled were the mini pancakes that sort of remind me McDonald’s hotcakes. Amy loved McDonald’s hotcakes.
Editors Note:
To send Keith “Fan Mail” please write:
Keith Evans, SEC. 1E
Lake County Jail
2293 N. Main St
Crown Point, IN 46307
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