BY KEITH EVANS
(Composed: 09/29/10)
I’m generally not a person who participates in the act of “missing” shit. I do have fits of missing certain things and people at times, but I’m mostly a person of adaptation when it comes to my surroundings. Add to that fact that when I do “miss” something or someone, I don’t bitch about it, choosing not to inflate the feeling anymore than needed.
With that said, here is a list of things I drastically miss while during my 132 day vay-cay at Le Chateau De Lake County Jail; (in no particular order)
1. My daughter Kay J
2. Good humor
3. The freedom to masturbate when I want
4. Decent food in general
5. Female skin
6. Female scent(even the fishy kind)
7. Watching The Office in a peaceful environment.
8. Nachos
9. Alcohol
10. Scratching my nuts without the fear of some hood motherfucker thinking I’m “jacking off”.
11. Facebook
12. Felica Baron
13. Music
14. “Creative” meetings for DLP “business”
15. Second City
16. Showering with a loofah
17. Drinking clean water
18. Regular changes of clothes
19. Cigarettes
20. Not sleeping among snitches
21. Watching/Bitching about the Kardashians
22. Sydney Chapman
23. My apartment
24. Wrestling
25. Hanging out with my friends
26. Cursing/Pissing off my enemies
27. Weed
28. NOT sitting on cold stainless steel to take a shit
29. Intelligent surroundings
30. Cable
31. Tony Semovski
32. Sabreena Osborne
33. …(sigh) Amy Woerpel
34. Watching Wonder Pets, Yo Gabba Gabba, and Ni Hao Kai-Lan
35. Curling
36. NOT missing Michael Jackson
37. Parking in handicap spaces
38. Listing to Incubus
39. The Goodpasters
40. Eating dinner after 4 PM
41. Eating pussy
42. Wating Jan Jeffcoat on Fox in the morning
43. Justice Perez
44. Outside
45. Living in an “anal rape”-free environment
46. Being able to avoid people from Black Oak, Hessville, and Hammond
47. My lip ring
48. Open mics
49. My old Blackberry Curve (may it Rest In Peace)
50. My new Blackberry Curve (may I Rest On Charge)
I’m sure there are plenty of other things I’ve missed. I’m sure once October 18th arrives, I’ll cease to miss some of those things. Whatever the case may be, my release date is quickly approaching. As evident by my semi-consistent blog activity, I’ve tried to stay as Lil’ Wayne-esque relevant as possible. Only time will tell if it’s all worth it. Till then, you guys enjoy your freedome, and I’ll enjoy what little sanity I’ve managed to salvage.
Editors Note:
To send Keith “Fan Mail” please write:
Keith Evans, SEC. 1E
Lake County Jail
2293 N. Main St
Crown Point, IN 46307
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