BY KEITH EVANS
The music scene, especially those who go pop, reminds me so much of professional wrestling sometimes. You have your “Faces” aka good guys (I.e. Taylor Swift, Justin Beiber, Fresh Prince, etc). You have your “Heels” aka bad guys (I.e. Kanye West, John Mayer, Ke$ha, etc). You’ve got your “Stables” aka groups or factions (I.e. Black Eyed Peas, Death Row Records, and whatever you call Jay-Z, Kanye, and Beyonce). More so than the others, you have your “Tweeners” aka the people you simultaneously love to hate or hate to love, depending on the day. Madonna was one, before she became like the Ric Flair of pop. Kanye himself is actually a Tweener right now, in the Randy Orton sort of way. Lady Gaga, most definitely is a Tweener, but in wrestling terms, she’s probably The Rock of right now. Electrifying in the way that she knows how to snatch the attention of the audience.
This wrestling comparison comes to mind because just like huge Wrestlemania matches, pop has those big time main events, when two huge names go at it in some way, shape or form. It might be literal beef, as in the whole Kanye/Taylor fiasco. It might be in the form of award show nominations/performances/appearances, like say how Beyonce and Lady GaGa battled for who had the hugest year that year. It might just simply be simultaneous release dates of albums, much like the whole Kanye west vs. 50 Cent Loser Must Retire match.
Whatever it may be, I am requesting a return of a former multi time world champion vs. current world champion.
Lady GaGa vs. Britney Spears
That’s right. I want Lady GaGa, in the center of the squared circle. On the mic, building up the crowd, giving a promo (that’s promotional speech for those NOT in the know) about her current dominance, when suddenly, at a key moment in her speech. . . . “It’s Britney Bitch!” hits the speaker system, the crowd goes crazy. Lady GaGa removes her old school white washed Cadillac hub capped fashioned sunglasses and stares at the entrance stage. Then, without notice we hear “Hit Me Baby One More Time” as Britney appears behind GaGa and hits her with a steel chair.
Now this is all metaphorical mind you. But seriously, how huge would it be in the pop world for Britney to come back with some hard hitting, brain freezing annoying hit single that shakes radio and club Djs at their very core. We then find out that Lady GaGa and Spears’ new albums are to be released on the same day. Sure, Lady GaGa is probably the better singer. She also does something Britney doesn’t do, and that’s write all her own shit. As far as dancing goes, it depends on your mood. Gaga’s got moves, as unorthodox and hideously syncopated as they may be, that crazy drunk girl, zombie styled choreography is new and innovative, but let’s face it, Britney’s FAR hotter, FAR sexier, and FAR more well proportioned than her challenger. This makes ANY dance moves she does (and yes, the bitch can dance) far more eye milking. Let’s also be completely honest, in the pop leagues, sex sells, and while Lady Gaga’s style leans more toward ambiguity, Britney’s is straight up If You Seek Amy.
The question is though, what has Brit been working on? Is she in total mom mode? Is she done with her “circus” act of a lifestyle. For all we know, Britney could return on some crazy introspective emo country type catastrophe. Not likely. I truly believe Britney’s life force is the clubs. Her last run was actually pretty leveled with her post breakdown run. Even right after her head shaving and custody battling, when she showed up as the opening act for the VMA’s all “schwasted” or whatever, her “terrible” performance was still better than somebody like Ke$ha’s best. Then came the Circus. Her body snapped back like a rubber band. Some may even say it got better. Her songs, as far as pop goes, were well constructed, just the right dosage of tipsy whore and socialite refinery. Did I mention how hot she was? What’s ironic is right when Britney’s last album finally died out, Lady GaGa was just walking through the door. GaGa has kind of raised the bar as far as pop writing goes. Who’s writing Britney’s stuff now? It obviously ain’t two of the biggest writers during that last Britney era, which were ironically enough Lady GaGa and Ke$ha; they kind of got their own thing going on. So what has the Brit been cooking?
Word has it from the web vine that Britney’s dabbling in a more grimier dirtier sound. It’s reported that Dr. Luke and longtime Brit producer Max Martin are hard at work at creating this deep electronic soundscape. Now, I’m no pop music guru, so though I get a sense of what they mean, it may be WAY over my head on how it actually sounds. Would I say GaGa is grimier and dirtier than the Britney we’ve known? Definitely. And funny thing is, I always said that if Britney had a time machine, she would most definitely had used her breakdown moment and created her own Fame Monster post that. However you add grimier and dirtier to Ms. Spears, it’s alright with me.
There’s also a nice back story about how Britney’s new songs were recently saved or salvaged from some sort of fire. There’s nothing like a juicy storyline that adds to the stigma/record sales of a pop/drama queen. Did Lady GaGa secretly set said fire? I’m 99.9% sure she didn’t, but it just be really more entertaining if she did. It’s alright super action packed that the owner of said house of flames stated that the cause of the fire was from his car exploding. How much more enthralling would it be if someone from Lady Gaga’s camp rigged his car with some type of raw meat constructed bomb? I’m just saying.
The key to who wins this battle is obviously between two key groups that keep any pop machine moving; the Gays and the kids. Lady GaGa has always had the Gays on lock, but let’s not forget how dedicated the Gays have always been to Britney. When us breeders turned our backs on her crazy ass during her bald headed, Federline slumming break down, the Gays stuck by her like, for lack of a more appropriate metaphor, dicks to ass. And while I do understand kids like Lady GaGa, this one may be tricky. On one hand, the kids who love GaGa now were like babies when Britney was at her most dominant. She’d almost be new to them in a way. On the other hand, as much as a tweenage girl may like and respect the Lady, most girls would rather strive to look like Britney when they get older, which for them would be 15 yrs old. It’s the demographics that truly breed champions.
Britney Spears, I wish you the best. If you ARE pitted against the pop machine known as Lady GaGa, here’s some sound advice. DO NOT COPY HER STYLE. Your former nemesis Xtina did. She failed horribly. More horribly than she did when she battled you. Ke$ha did, and though she’s held some success, most would reluctantly admit that they loathe looking at that girl. Do NOT COPY HER GAGA’s STYLE. If you do, it will be your downfall. Do your Britney thing. Don’t let them swindle you into believing that you should be like her, because if they ARE saying that to you, it’s just a plot to assassinate your career. When it comes down to it, simply just be as sexy as possible. You have Lady GaGa beat in that department just by taking a poop when you wake up. Personally, I would say experiment with some producers. Of course you want to keep your dance theme going, that’s what got you to the. . .er, dance, but why not cop a quick Kanye remix, or nab some sort of LMFAO/Lil’ Jon club mix? It really couldn’t hurt. Tap both markets. Be that chic who rocks the GaGa crowd as well as the Beyonce crowd. I truly do wish Britney Spears the best. The more she succeeds, the more of her we see. The more of her we see, the more we ALL win.
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