It's funny really. As sad, pathetic, and lugubrious as this whole situation may be, it's still really comical. Maybe it's just comical in a sinister and evil sense, which, if you know me, you know that's the type of shit I dig.
LeBron James. First off, let me start by qouting something I blogged about 4 or 5 months ago when King James made his decision to "take his talents to South Beach".
"and reality is LeBron will probably drop no less than 35 points every time he plays his former team this season." -Keith Evans 7-13-2010
I'm pretty sure 38 points is more than 35, so I'll let that one settle in without an "I told you so".
Still, there so much hype for this game, you'd think LeBron was making another decision. Instead it was just a waste of a basketball game. No matter how unneccesarily angry you might be at LeBron (for no reason whatsoever, I might add), putting your money on Cleveland even having a chance of winning this game would be like putting your scrotum in the bottom of a fully functioning blender. Even uttering the words "The Cavs got a chance" would be like saying "You know who should run for president? Rod Blagojevich". Basically what I'm trying to say is, it would be unsurpassably stupid. Apparently when it comes to the unsurpassably stupid, Ohio is takes the cake. Or rather Ohio is drafted the cake, makes crazy money off the cake, then cries when the cake decides he rather take his frosting to South Beach. Ironically enough, cake is actually ON the South Beach diet, right next to success actually.
I suppose it was to be expected. The boos and the ugly mugs that accompany them. Prior to the game, a disc jockey on the radio somehow got the scoop on a preview of what the chants towards LeBron would be. I was introduced to probably the worst chant I ever heard. Akron Hates You! I would imagine the traditional 5 clap outro was attached to that. Akron Hates You? So the fuck what? Telling, or even chanting in unison to me that Akron hates me is like telling or chanting in unison to me that my mother's new boyfriend isn't fond of my performance in Home Economics. I don't CARE! Who cares if Akron hates or loves anybody. I'm sure there's an answer, just don't know what it is. I'll tell you what answer ain't. LeBron James. The Miami Heat. ESPN. President Barack Obama. Lady Ga Ga. That little girl who was really pissed about the Miz winning the WWE Heavyweight Championship (especially since the Miz is FROM Ohio). Me. The majority of the people who visit this site. The majority of the people who use the Internet. Leslie Nielsen's family. Donald L. Plusquellic (Mayor of Akron). The list goes on and on.
I'll tell you who MIGHT care, and that's Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. The very same man who professed his undying disdain for James and ridiculously predicted his Cavaliers would win a championship before LeBron. Yes, the town idiot of Cleveland has resurfaced. I was quite interested to see what "Dear John" letter he'd draw up THIS time. His tweets on his Twitter account were pretty short and diplomatically worded, as per his team of PRs I would imagine. After the loss, he said "Words do not express my feelings, so I won't even try". Wiser words were never spoken so much later than they should've been, than these. I think Dan Gilbert would be better off owning the Washington Bullets, and yes, I realize the ramifications of that.
3 cheers to Lebron (though perhaps he should give one each to Wade and Bosh) for, at the very least, metaphorically anally violating the Cavs. In fact, I'll give him extra cheers if he literally did so to at least one Akron whore post game.
The city of Cleveland is like a really frumpy, lame nobody who somehow got to date a really hot girl, then once the hot girl realized how hot she was and broke up with them, they went on this emotional rampage, bad mouthing and cyber bullying this poor little over privileged hot chic. This poor schlub who, by even falling into the position where he could date this hot chic, was so lucky in the first place, has the nerve to now try and belittle this girl for the transgression of "upgrading". Sure, maybe she is a bitch, and perhaps a whore. Maybe she's not even that smart, and looks are the only thing she has going for her. In retrospect however, wouldn't the fact that her looks are the ONLY thing going for her make the score between you 1 to zero? Think about that Cleveland.
