BY MIKEY MIGO
I have always been a supporter of alternative medications. That also includes alternatives to self-medication. This was most apparent with a recent “munchies” trip to a gas station. I nabbed myself a bag of Combos, a really awesome red tea, and was ready to pay up. I look at the counter and come across something called “The Original Lazy Cakes: Relaxation Brownies”. I didn’t want to make too much of a fuss about it, but I added two of these to the pile of junk food without hesitation. Why was I so excited? Well, these $2.99 brownies are packaged in a colorful-somewhat psychedelic packaging. The label has a little brownie on it with a chilled out demeanor and smiley face on it. Instantly I thought of the crappy synthetic weed stuff on the market. The overpriced little portions of nasty tasting incense. People are buying this stuff up, enjoying their clean urine, and trying to convince themselves and the world that they get really high off of it. Not buying it. But THIS is what came to mind. I thought “This HAS to be a synthetic pot brownie! This ain’t gonna be legal for long! Get’em!” Turns out I should have paid more attention. These “relaxation brownies” are just that. They’re brownies made to help people relax. I went on the company’s website and they explain that this is a product for adults who need to come down for their high adrenaline day and relax. It’s basically a sleep aid supplement. It had a big dose of melatonin in it along with some other herbal extracts. It’s NOT a weed brownie. They recommend on the package to eat half two times daily. The package also warns it’s for adults only. I’ve researched it and there are people who claim they got really tore up from eating a single brownie. That wasn’t the case in my experience. I ate it, watched about twenty minutes of television, and then went to sleep. I slept okay and I woke up pretty groggy. Coffee cured that feeling right up so I don’t think it was any lingering effects. The package is advertising itself as if it’s some kind of “trippy fun-time” type of product. It’s not. Sadly, I can already imagine people getting bent out of shape over it. I can already imagine some random news report from a Southern state talking about how it’s KILLING children. I didn’t “trip”. I wasn’t “high”. It wasn’t worth $2.99. You can easily just go to pretty much anywhere that sells vitamins and get the melatonin for yourself. Sorry kids, you’re going to have to stick to sniffing markers for a little while longer…
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