BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
WrestleMania 29 is less than a week ago. Does anyone REALLY care? It’s not like we’re seeing anything really fresh or new. The main event is a rematch from last year; the undercard is full of dreadful match-ups and underdeveloped storylines. I don’t know who to fault, but it feels like the WWE has already started focusing more on WrestleMania XXX next year. When else have they made the city announcement so soon? I mean, 30 is a HUGE deal and I’m sure THAT show will be stacked with some amazing stuff.
That’s what sucks about this year. It feels like a “throw-a-way Mania”. They’re giving us some big matches, but it’s all rather underwhelming. Bear with my unimpressed, jaded, snobbish look at WrestleMania 29. Despite the fact that the stories aren’t connecting with me, the matches don’t appeal to me, and the vibe is less than electric I still want to see a good show. Why would anyone watch something for four hours and WANT it to suck? That’s just ridiculous and sad.
The line-up is less than exciting, but we know the matches will be good. The actual matches at WrestleMania will have that big feel to them and I’m sure the wrestlers will kick major ass in there. We WILL get a special moment or two that’ll transcend the wrestling annals. But no matter how great a Jericho/Fandango match can be it’s not as interesting without a broader backstory. That’s just an example. The point is that WrestleMania is MORE than the 4 hour show full of great matches. It’s the ROAD to WrestleMania that builds the matches, builds the tension, tells the story, sells the tickets, and in all honesty is the best part. We all know from Royal Rumble to pretty much the RAW after Mania, we’re going to get the A-game. I think the problem is that the WWE sets HIGH expectations. WrestleMania is supposed to be the biggest show ever every year. It’s damn near impossible to up-stage every year’s show. This goes back to why I think they’re treating this as a “throw-a-way Mania”.
Never the less, I got some predictin’ to do. I’ve been keeping track of my predictions for the WWE PPVs in 2013 to see how predictable things are or aren’t. So far, I’m only 1 of 8. Yes, of the eight matches I’ve made my “expert” predictions on… I’ve gotten ONE correct. Sad. Speaking of which…
“Tons of Funk”, Brodus Clay and Tensai are teaming up with The Funkadactyls against the Rhodes Scholars and the Bellas. I’ll be surprised if this match is on the actual show or if it’ll be on the preshow. On one hand I’d say the faces win to start the show off happy for the crowd, but Rhodes Scholars and the Bellas gets me pick. Cody and Sandow have way too much upswing to not get the win.
They put together Chris Jericho and Fandango. People are spazzing out about Fandango’s debut being at WrestleMania. People are spazzing out even harder that Jericho is being “wasted” at Mania. Why is THIS being wasted? Fandango has been around the WWE for years. Chris Jericho knows who he’s wrestling and he knows what he’s doing. Are we supposed to think that Chris Jericho is going to put his gear on, go out in front a trillion people on a WrestleMania and not give us the best he can? I’m excited about this match. As cool as it would be to see Jericho get a big win, I don’t think this story is over so Fandango steals the win. Another match put together in recent weeks is Ryback vs. Mark Henry. I’m cool with this. Ryback needs a big win and Mark Henry is the guy who should make him earn it. A big “battle of the monsters” type of match is always fun if it’s kept short and sweet. I think it’s too obvious that Ryback will win. I think Mark Henry gets the win setting up a decade of rematches.
The mid card titles get represented in the form of an IC title match and a Tag Title match. Sorry Divas. Sorry US Title. Sorry European Title. …Wait. The Divas title isn’t around anymore, is it? Wade Barrett is awesome and I’m happy to see him in a match. I hope he and Miz get at least ten minutes to put together a good match. I gotta go with The Miz though. The Tag Team Titles gets defended in a tossed together match. We see Team Hell No putting their belts on the line against Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston. I think this could be a sleeper match on the show. If Daniel Bryan and Dolph get a chance to go crazy and if Kane and Langston get their key spots in, this match could rock. Team Hell No have been together so long that I want to say they’re going to lose and finally feud, but every time I’ve said they were done they won. Screw it, Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston win. Then the big question is if Dolph cashes in his Money In The Bank. Well, he should….
Alberto Del Rio is pretty awesome. He is a solid wrestler, gets over, and is improving on the mic all the time. I’m happy that he is in his spot as the World Heavyweight Champion. He needs a few more big feuds before really cementing his spot, but it’s looking good. Jack Swagger on the other hand sucks. He has Zeb with him and that’s about it. Zeb’s promo work has been outstanding. It gets under your skin like a real old school heel. He’s not trying to be “cool” and is soaking in the hate. It just sucks this storyline and heat is wasted on Swagger. There are a half dozen guys in NXT/FCW that could fit the character they put on Swagger. The only difference is that we don’t know or not if those guys could get over or not. We know for sure that Jack Swagger won’t. I’m going to go with Alberto Del Rio to retain the title. After the match he’d get beat down by Swagger; enter Dolph? Beats me.
What indie fan isn’t thrilled as shit to see The Shield take on Sheamus, Orton, and Show? Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins had great runs on the indies that most fans recall fondly. Two years ago these guys were in bingo halls and now they’re in a match against three former World Champions. That’s not taking way from Reigns either. He’s been more than impressive in his role. A lot of times a big guy will show up and suck. So far, so good with him. Randy Orton needs to be a bad guy. That is enough of a reason for me to say The Shield wins.
Who cares about Triple H and Brock Lesnar? Seriously, who? They found less than a year ago. It was underwhelming then so why should we expect anything different now? Because it’s a “No Holds Barred” match? Who cares? The bullshit stipulation is only there to cover up the lack of wrestling. It’ll be a brawl. They’ll use the stairs, chairs, tables, sledgehammers, and they’ll be real stiff about it. It’ll be a good fight. But that’s it… a “good fight”. Not “great”, not “memorable”, and not even that worth our time. The build up for the stipulation was not cool. Most fans expected a Cell, a MMA style, or even a 3 Stages of Hell. Instead, we get the most basic of “hardcore-ish” stipulations a match can have. I’m going to watch and hope for the best. I guess “what’s best for business” is Triple H getting the win. But only after the McMahons get in some tedious humiliation on Heyman.
The main even is Rock vs. Cena. I’m sure this will be a fun match and both guys will bring their all. Their match last year was really good, but I have a feeling they’re shooting for “great”. It could be a “great match”, but the buildup sucked. The Rock wasn’t around enough, Cena’s promos and slant on things did nothing to enthrall anyone, and there is not much hope. The crowd will most likely hate Cena and love The Rock. That’s always fun. People are claiming that Cena HAS to win this to get his “payback” from last year. I think we might get what we always wanted here. I’m going to go with the coolest and most unexpected scenario. How about The Rock wins. Then Cena snaps and beats him down and goes heel? What if the closing of WrestleMania 29 sees The Rock getting pummeled by an enraged John Cena and locker room vets and main eventers like Triple H, Vince McMahon, Jericho, Orton, Sheamus, etc. are trying to pull him off. It’s just things are so underwhelming and offputting that SOMETHING has to happen to blow our minds. Otherwise, we all just got duped outta $70.
|
