BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
This idea has been copied a few times. Last year around the same time I wrote a column discussing who I wished would retire in 2013. Of course, this is professional wrestling. Most wrestlers have to die or get critically injured to step away from the ring. So that said NO ONE on my list retired. No one! It’s not like I listed a ton of young people or just listed wrestlers I don’t like. Look for yourself!
I wanted to do the same thing this year. I’m sure you’ll see this topic pop up again, but this is my take on it. I’ve been watching professional wrestling my entire life. My very first memory in life involves being 2 or 3 and watching Hulk Hogan on WWF Saturday Night Main Event, I was IN the wrestling business from 2000ish to 2004ish, I will be back in the wrestling business before too long (sorta), and it’s a HUGE passion. It’s not a hobby or something I started watching in 2002 because someone at school said the Hardys were cool. This shit is in my blood.
I mean no harm by any my picks. I want people to wrestle for as long as they feel they can and want to, but some people feel a little redundant or they’re slipping in their old age. I want everyone to make their money and live long happy lives…. Just not on my TV or in a ring nearby at a local show.
Just Missing The Cut] The Rock, R-Truth, Marty Jannetty, The Honky Tonk Man
The Rock should retire. If he can’t stick around then he shouldn’t keep popping back up and distrupting things. I’d love for him to have ONE MORE MATCH, but it would have to be against someone younger and fresher in order to really pass the torch and give someone the rub. R-Truth seems to be redundant these days. His wrestling style is boring and he hasn’t done anything cool since smoking cigarettes on RAW a few years back. Then Marty Jannetty and Honky Tonk Man should just retire. I know there are other old guys still working the independent circuit, but these two stand out as two that should retire. I’ve heard nothing but good things about Jannetty as a person, but he has to be getting up there. Honky Tonk is even older. I can’t imagine him being all that great in the ring these days. He’d be a good manager for someone in WWE or TNA, but he just seems like a dick. I hope I’m wrong, but the evidence seems unlikely.
10.] Kane
Kane probably has some life left in him, but he shouldn’t stick around too long. I think most people respect the man and appreciate what he has done. I don’t want to be watching him and have to think “oh that was a nice spot for an old guy!” I’d like to see him get out before he gets too slow. One final monster heel run against a Daniel Bryan would be cool with me though.
9.] The Hardys
I don’t think I need to get into this one. These two are just dysfunctional. Jeff has his drug issues, Matt had his and they just seem to consistently disappoint people. Jeff got his shit together a bit for TNA in recent months, but it’s only a matter of time. I’d like to see these two dudes have a good ending to their runs than a tragic one.
8.] Kurt Angle
Kurt has been in and out of rehab and his problems are apparent. If you look at a match of his from like 2000 and compare it to 2005 the difference is crazy. The difference between 2005 and 2012 is depressing. He looks so depleted and weird. I don’t want to see that.
7.] Christian
I don’t get this one. Christian was AWESOME when he was doing “The Peeps” thing. He was so over as Captain Charisma, but then he went to TNA and everything that was good about him disappeared. His matches started to become blurs of boredom. He just lost all of his mojo. He keeps getting hurt. It might be best for him to retire or at least consider doing a lighter indie run. He’d be perfect for ROH.
6.] The Kliq
Shawn Michaels retired and I’m SO happy that he has stuck to it. If he ever came back and wrestled I think I’d be a little heart broken. He’s my favorite of all time so I’d like to remember him as the best ever than an old guy getting pity bumps from guys half his age. Then Kevin Nash and Scott Hall should retire. Both are awesome and charismatic. They’d easily find work as actors. Hall could even train or something else. I just don’t want to hear about him going back on the road and getting back into his old habits. The same can be said for Sean Waltman. He is a legit great dude, but I’d rather see him do something safe and not have a tragic finish. All of these guys should hang it up. Then there’s Triple H. Triple H should not wrestle anymore. In fact, I’d be happy if he wasn’t on TV at all. He has been overvalued for years. He ruins my wrestling experience more consistently than anyone else. Not even in a “boo! He’s bad!” way. In a “I’m not going to buy this PPV or watch RAW anymore” kind of way.
5.] Rey Mysterio
Rey-Rey gets hurt too much. He’s still popular and will be a Hall of Famer for sure, but I don’t know what more he can contribute to the WWE outside of maybe being a Tag Team wrestler or something. No one wants that.
4.] The Great Khali
The man can barely walk. When he comes to the ring I cringe. His matches are the worst matches of all time. I’m serious. I can’t think of any full-time long-time wrestler to have matches as painfully bad as him. He’s way too limited as it is, but then his lack of mobility only makes it worse.
3.] Sting
Sting being in TNA is sad. He’s better than that. At his age, he should be getting bigger reactions from bigger crowds. He should have gone to the WWE when they wanted him. Now he should just retire. I’d like to see him have one big match in the WWE, but at this point I don’t think it would even matter. It would just be a slow and boring match with an old man with too much make up and a tee shirt. That is NOT the man I met in 1989 at the Omni in Atlanta.
2.] Undertaker
The fact that he shows up just for one match a year is crap. I don’t give a shit what anyone says. I want the Undertaker to retire and I want him to LOSE AT WRESTLEMANIA! Records are made to be broken. Going undefeated will do nothing for wrestling’s future. They’ll be able to bring it up when he makes his legend appearances. They’ll bring it up for the Hall of Fame stuff. They’ll put out some merch and memorabilia with it listed on it… but then what? Why not give someone the ultimate “rub” and help carry the legacy forward. Think about the guy who beats Taker at Mania. They’ll get YEARS of bragging rights out of being the person to beat Taker, plus their credibility rises to a crazy level. If Taker doesn’t retire at WrestleMania 30, I might have to start disliking him.
1.] Jerry Lawler
Jerry Lawler should have been a commissioner or a GM from the start. He is one of the most engaging performers in wrestling history. He knows the business, he has a great personality, and he can get the fans to react however he wants. For some reason he was stuck behind the commentators table though. I’ve never liked his commentary work. It’s too lame, too perverse, too cheesy, and pretty lame… even for wrestling standards! I’d like to see him take on the GM role or something like that, but no more commentary. Enough is enough. With Ross officially retiring it’s time for Jerry to head out too. I’m not even going to talk about his wrestling. He should have stopped that years ago. Regardless of what he does, he’s still “The King”.
Who do YOU think should retire in 2014?
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