BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
It was one of the most random conversations I can remember. I’m had some really random conversations but none of them stand out as vividly as the day a friend and I were going back and forth about nonsense and the term “Alec Baldwin Puberty” was coined.
You see, it’s quite simple. It’s that point in a man’s life where they have their second puberty. The first puberty takes the child and transforms them into young men. It’s a physical change that allows you to reproduce, speak in a deeper voice and grow hair in all the strange places hair eventually grows.
The “Alec Baldwin Puberty” is different. It can come earlier for some and later for some, but it’s most always after you pass your mid-20s and enter your 30’s. Don’t think this automatically happens like the lame and horrendous normal puberty. This step in evolution doesn’t happen for everyone.
Let me explain this. “Alec Baldwin Puberty” is when you stop being a young silly punk kid and grow into the smooth and sophisticated version of yourself. You’re not out partying every night, your tastes are refined and you start to look like a man and not a grown child. The perfect example is to compare Mr. Baldwin from “Beetlejuice” to the man he’d become before “30 Rock” and during the show. Before he was a little scrawny looking, a tad nerdy and a bit unsure seeming. He looked like someone who’d drink a can of pop with a straw. Then fast forward a few steps in his evolution. He’s a man. He grew into himself, his voice became deeper, smoother, and more confident, and he became someone you’d always imagine drinking a glass of fine wine or a harder alcohol. The second transformation is clear. We all like Alec Baldwin in “Beetlejuice” but it’s hard not to respect and see the same man in “30 Rock” in a totally different light. It’s basically really growing up and being suave as hell in the process. It’s something to strive for and hope for. When you’ve hit this point in your life, you’ve “made it” as a man.
Here are just a few examples of some signs you’re approaching your own “Alec Baldwin Puberty”:
1.) You stop using cool and hip “buzz words”.
In fact, you lose touch with the youthful bullshit and start using an adult vocabulary. There has to be a point where sounding like a Diablo Cody (“Juno”) character is beneath your idea of self-respect.
2.) You are shaken, not stirred.
Stupid things get brushed right off your shoulder. You don’t have to go the route of being overly vulgar, overly cute, overly silly, or overly anything. You’re just you, a level headed adult. You don’t have to stir the pot with people because you don’t care. There is no pleasure in pressing people’s buttons for no reason. Being overly controversial suddenly becomes a sad obvious attempt at attention. You don’t need that kind of attention. You don’t need to make blanket statements to take jabs at specific people. You don’t take jabs at all. You smirk, give a slight sigh of empathy and carry on.
3.) You dress better.
You stop worrying about looking “hip” or keeping up with the times. When you dress classically casual, professional and clean you don’t need to worry about looking “cool”. Certain clothing items are timeless because of “Alec Baldwin Puberty”. Stick with a button down, slacks, casual pants, plain shirts and a sense of owning whatever you wear. You’re not confident because you’re wearing a shirt with something “cool” on it. You’re confident because you are you and you look like an adult.
4.) Your entertainment options are defined.
You don’t have to see every trendy movie to come out, every big action flick and you don’t keep to keep up with the big hit television shows. Music is the same. You watch whatever you want and whenever you want. If you want to watch something then you do it because it genuinely interests you and not your peers. You don’t force yourself or pretend that what’s popular is “great”. In fact, you lose touch with what’s “popular” to begin with. Ultimately you like what you like.
5.) Your priorities change.
You’re not seeking the next party or excuse to go out and have a good time. You ARE the good time. You can stay home, sip on a simple liquor and enjoy your own company. The occasional alcoholic indulgence is not a “Look at me! I’m drinking! I’m fun!”, it’s a release and appreciation for what it is.
6.) Your responsibility is upped.
Technology and aspects evolve, but you’ve seen it all before and nothing about people really changes. You know what matters and you know what you want. You stop wasting time caring too much about old hobbies and habits. You readjust the value you put in casual acquaintances and things that have no real effect on your life. You don’t need to be “outraged” by the world. You know things happen because some people are misinformed, need to assert control or are just assholes. You can do your part to make the world better, but your reach is only so far. Meanwhile your own life and loved ones are right there. They become the focus. You want to be successful on all accounts and you put a certain level of pressure on yourself to accomplish your goals. Basically you take care of yourself and the people you care about while maintaining your self-respect and self-set expectations.
7.) You man-up.
Do you have children to support? Do you have bills to pay? Do you have work in the morning? Do you tell someone you’d come through with something? Man up. There is no excuse for any of this stuff to be neglected. These things come first. Your child is priority and any bullshit you “have to do” is just that, bullshit. You don’t let bills go unpaid. You don’t “pull an all-nighter” and then try to go to work the next morning. You hold yourself to your obligations. You don’t just hold yourself to this, but you do with class, style, smoothness and without too much complaining. You’re not “trying to get ahead” unless you’re already taking care of your responsibilities in the forefront. Always focus on giving more than you take. Bigger rewards come from that mentality.
These are just a few examples of what goes on during “the second change”. I can only hope you go through your own version of this before you become the creepy old guy who doesn’t know when to stop. They say we all have an “inner child”. One can only hope we all have our own “inner Alec Baldwin”.
Find yours as soon as possible.
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