BY MICHAEL GOODPASTER
“Worst Case Scenario” is a new take on the concept of “fantasy booking”. For years professional wrestling fans would spend endless hours of thinking up the coolest things that could happen. Why waste the energy? This only leads to high expectations. “Worst Case Scenario” flips that. Instead of looking through rose colored glasses, let’s take a bi-weekly look at the worst possible scenarios in professional wrestling. I’m not going to be malicious or anything too mean, but I will not refrain from letting my brain come up with the worst possible shit I can. Sadly, it seems the writers and producers of mainstream TV wrestling and the mainstream iPPV level indies are doing the same thing but charging us for it. And now…
“The David Arquette Rematch Clause!”
Every so often wrestling gets into a weird stalemate where there are no new stars worthy of taking the reigns as the top star while the old guard has either overstayed it welcome or are out for random reasons like working on movies, injury or girly contract disputes. The WWE has to step up and pull something out of its ass to make it work. This often leads to over the top storylines to distract us. The big storyline is the focus while new stars are kind of snuck in the spots without us putting too much logic behind it. Before we know it we just accept those rising stars as the “current stars” and move forward accordingly. That’s where we are today with the scenario.
The WWE institutes the “Former Champion Rematch clause”. Every former champion who did not receive a rematch after losing their belt is granted a one-time contract to come in and fight for the belt. This leads to random people showing up for their rematches to title loses five, ten, fifteen years past their due date. The current champion at the time, let’s say Randy Orton, faces these people and defeats them. The storyline would run for a few months and it would fill in the gaps of not having a real contender for a while.
Enter a former WCW Champion.
David Arquette.
Arquette won the WCW title during the “Ready to Rumble” promotional time and the reign is considered by many purists to be the worst thing ever. He didn’t even want to win it because he is a fan and didn’t think it would be right or go over. He was convinced and before we knew it a storyline was put into action where he’d pretty much steal a win and leave a big event as the NEW WCW Champion.
In this scenario, Orton has defeated everyone and calls out anyone left. He declares himself to be the best champion of all time despite winning his matches against former champions via cheating and underhandedness. Arquette comes out and takes him up on the challenge. He vowed he’d never put himself in a place to win a belt again because he loves wrestling but in the same respect he couldn’t just sit at home and watch Orton cheat the fans out of a real champion.
They have their match. Orton destroys him. Triple H and whoever he has as a workhorse lacky at the time enter the scene and COST Orton the match! David Arquette WINS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP! He joins Evolution. The world implodes.
This all sets up David Arquette defending his belt against Daniel Bryan.
Arquette wins. CLEAN. Via Tap Out.
Arquette would keep the title for a few months before retiring from wrestling forever.
Forever the champion.
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